Social Drinker? Read online

  SOCIAL DRINKER?

  NICK J.

  Copyright 2016 Nick J.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever including Internet usage, without written permission of the author.

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  INTRODUCTION

  CHAPTER ONE

  Warning Signs

  CHAPTER TWO

  Getting Help

  ALSO BY NICK J.

  AUTHOR BIO

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  INTRODUCTION

  SOCIAL DRINKER

  A social drinker is a person who drinks occasionally and only in moderation, usually at an event. A social drinker only drinks in the company of others who are also drinking.

  NOT A SOCIAL DRINKER

  A person who is not a social drinker sometimes drinks alone. They might be called a drunk, lush, bum, a binge drinker or worst of all, an alcoholic.

  Alcoholic: A person who drinks excessively despite increasingly negative effects on health, work, social and family life. Often they lose everything.

  CHAPTER ONE

  Warning Signs

  1. If you are reading this book because the title 'spoke to you', you might not be a social drinker.

  2. If you are drunk right now, you might not be a social drinker.

  3. If you know what it means to worship at the porcelain altar in the morning, you might not be a social drinker.

  4. If you are asked to define 'social drinker' and all that you do is talk about yourself and never think of including another person in the definition, you might not be a social drinker.

  5. If you have peed into a beer can while doing seventy in a forty-five zone as you passed a patrol car, you might not be a social drinker.

  6. If you are a woman and have peed into a beer can while doing seventy in a forty-five zone as you passed a patrol car, you definitely are not a social drinker.

  7. If the top of your socks have lost their elasticity from hiding miniatures, you might not be a social drinker.

  8. If you invested in a tiny funnel to refill your miniatures, you are frugal, but you might not be a social drinker.

  9. If the wind chimes on your porch are empty vodka bottles strung together, you might not be a social drinker.

  10. If you jump start 'going on the wagon' by purposely running out of liquor on a Saturday night because you live in a dry county, but find yourself at the county-line store Sunday at noon, you might not be a social drinker.

  11. If you've fished a cigarette butt out of a glass after a party and drank the amber liquid because good scotch should not go to waste, you might not be a social drinker.

  12. If you have a breathalyzer attached to the steering column of your car, you might not be a social drinker.

  13. If you think throwing up and having the dry heaves are a good thing because it is nature's way of cleansing and revitalizing your body, you might not be a social drinker.

  14. If your idea of drinking socially is passing out all alone on the terrace while sending out 'friend requests' to the beautiful people on Facebook, you might not be a social drinker.

  15. If you are carrying two cases of beer when your moped runs out of fuel on the way home from the convenience store gas station because you only had beer money, you might not be a social drinker.

  16. If you go on the wagon for six months and two convenience stores and the liquor store closest to your house go out of business, you might not be a social drinker.

  17. If you started reading this book only because of the picture of the pretty girl on the cover, but you are now on your third drink, have completely forgotten about the pretty girl and you are really, 'getting into' the reading material, you may not be a social drinker.

  18. If you think Charlie Sheen is a stand-up guy and got a raw deal, you might not be a social drinker.

  19. If your caddy needs a cart to carry your golf bag because it is too heavy at the start of the round, but you drink a beer on every hole and he can carry it easily by the back nine, you might not be a social drinker.

  20. If you go to Vegas and sit at the bar playing the slot machines one nickel at a time just to get the free drinks, you might not be a social drinker.

  21. If you develop a gambling problem while playing the slot machines one nickel at a time in order to get the free drinks, you might not be a social drinker.

  22. If you tell the waitress with the free drinks 'hit me' and the dealer thinks you are talking to him and you bust out with a twenty-four, but don't really care as long as the waitress 'keeps them coming', you might not be a social drinker.